Who has time to Blog???

I can't believe it....it is already time to do my day of joy and rapture (aka chemo #5). Friday, March 7th, I will be watching the chemicals drip and sucking on a Popsicle for the second to last time....and that is an awkward phrase that sounds incredibly wonderful.

I would have blogged--but I felt way to good to sit at a computer. Chemo 4 was reminiscent of chemo #1 when I was thinking that this whole chemo thing was just too doable to be true--a few days a nausea and rest...then back up and about! I have been crazy this last month playing with my kids, painting the house, and doing just about anything that felt like my old regular life, including staying up waaaaay to late at night and then trying to drag myself out of bed in the morning. My ultimate worst bedtime was 4 am....and I was close to that time at least 3 other times and loving every minute of my quiet, alone time in the craft room or talking to my girlfriends in the wee hours of the morning. I think that cancer isn't my true sickness....time management is!

I remember the early years of being a mom--I think I obsessed over when I could climb back in bed and sleep, or could I sneak a nap in while the kids napped, or could I sneak in a nap on the floor while Cathryn was trying to keep me awake long enough to play Barbies (my one true failure as a Mom was at trying to play Barbies, Cathryn says I feel asleep every time, Rachel seconds the statement and Andria doesn't even ask! Not to leave Ryan out, I wasn't a very good Lego inventor either...but I could nap pretty well while he built some amazing things!) I guess that the brutal truth is that I have never been good at sitting still, unless it means I am sleeping!

The crazy dining room painting that Cathryn and I started the day before Chemo #4 started to drive me crazy within 24 hours of chemo...but I patiently waited at least 48 before I begged Cathryn to don her paint clothes and help me finish the job. I must give her full credit for doing the exhausting work of using the roller brush, but I was happy to be on the ladder cutting in the corners and molding and pointing out any drips or bumps! Something about painting got me wound up and before you could blink I also had Ken roped into hanging the curtain rod and helping me put everything back into place. I've decided there's nothing like cancer to get your honey to work on your "honey-do" list! Friday, Ken was headed up to ski--and having FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) like I do, and looking out my window at the beautiful canyon I couldn't resist saying that I felt fabulous and that I was going to take advantage of the great new snow (that I have missed out on most of the season!). So I got my ski gear on and hopped in the car with only an occasional feeling of nausea--any exhaustion was definitely overshadowed by the exhilaration of leaving my house to head to Alta!

Drive up was pretty good...but by the time we parked I was definitely thinking that I was overstating how great I felt...but FOMO rules and I decided I was there, skis were there, and snow was there--I better go skiing. So I sat on the bumper and did some deep breathing while Ken put on his gear then headed for the lift lines. Now for the true test....getting the skis on. Legs are pretty jello like, but skiing is downhill, so my biggest challenge will be to stay up and ski in control. Ken chatted with our chairlift companions while I concentrated on not losing my breakfast...he was very sweet to excuse me from the conversation by mentioning that had just been through chemo and was feeling a bit nauseous...our new friends weren't quite sure how to react.

The great thing about skiing with Ken is that he has incredible confidence in my abilities....maybe more than he should. But I also have the great ability to bluff and act like everything is just hunky dory--so off he went down his black diamond run while I headed down my blue square--jello legs and all. I found that I could ski quite well as long as I stopped to catch my breath and let my legs stop quivering multiple times as I headed down. No fancy moves, no powder adventures through the trees...just sticking to the highly groomed trails and staying up was like a power workout--I'm wishing I had worn my heart rate monitor as I do know that just walking up the stairs the day after chemo can put my heart rate up into the mid 130's and make me want to climb in bed and take a nap!

I actually managed to ski 4 runs...before the nausea declared itself the winner and demanded some food and water to calm the storm...not saying that I looked like Picabo Street or anything like that, but it was worth the jello legs and stares, as I stopped to breath mid mountain, to enjoy the scenery, the rides up the lift with Ken, and the nap in the car while Ken got his money's worth out of his day pass. Life is too short not to live each day to the fullest!

Not that I didn't have moments of exhaustion this last month--I just talked myself out of most of them (including tonight when my dry eyeballs would really like a break). Once I finished the dining room the can of paint for the laundry room just kept calling my name, so Monday I spent the day trying to get the dust off the baseboards and the top of the cabinets so that I could paint my crazy yellow walls with big red polka dots--I showed my favorite yellow drinking glass with red dots to Ken and told him that it was my inspiration for the laundry room, but I don't think he really thought I would paint big red dots on the wall. But I did, with the help of all my kids, and Cathryn's friend Melissa (who stayed even after Cathryn left for soccer practice) who just couldn't resist squeezing into the smallest room in the house...all at once, all with paint brushes and rollers in hand, to help me get the room painted. Between the fumes of paint and all the stories the kids were telling each other--I left the room that night with a pretty good high!

Two days later, I was finally pulling all the blue tape off the moldings and putting everything back in the laundry room. I still have that horrible white tile on the floor that shows dirt the minute after you've finished cleaning it, but I also have this cheerful yellow room with bold red polka dots on it that makes me smile every time I walk in to put in a load, move a load into the dryer, or take a load out to fold. Doing laundry has suddenly become less of a drudgery and more of a joy...not only because of the fun paint, but also because I feel good enough to do it myself. Who would have guessed joy in the laundry room would be a blessing of having cancer???

So there are other things I still need to blog about--like the reality of getting used to the foreign objects attached to the front of my body...but I am going to make a disclaimer that the next blog will be WTMI to the max--so for those of my brothers or relatives that really don't want to know the odd/funny/weird/true reality of my breasts....I'd suggest skipping the next blog or two....I'll rate the next readable one with a G rating so that you know I'm done talking about the "B" word.