Disco Bras and such

On my desk for the last few months are the notes to myself of things I didn't want to forget about my cancer experience--there are things that I'd rather forget...like the moments I have been less than grateful to be going through daily tortures of sunburns or cranky that I'm a cancer patient in the first place. Let's just say that it begins to feel a bit unfair when most of the patients waiting in front of you or after you are at least 20 years older than you (or even way more than that) and then just when you are feeling picked on you see someone even younger than you wandering around in one of those lovely gaping hospital gowns--bald head revealing that his/her chemo was way worse than yours. I prefer to stay in the "pity party" mode, seeing only the old, old guys in the men only waiting area waiting for prostate radiation--but the reality is that I'm not the only person feeling picked on by cancer--there seem to be lots of us out there and we seem to come in every color, shape and age...

So rather than dwell on the not so hot things about having cancer I should tell you that I had a few moments of joy on the radiation table--I mean--not everyone gets the chance to experience a disco bra in radiation. Okay, so it really wasn't a disco bra, but calling it my disco bra made the daily trips to radiation seem way less mundane than getting up everyday, trying to squeeze in some form of moderate exercise (walking up and down the stairs counts?) getting the kids off to school and trying to at least clean up the breakfast dishes before it was time to jump in the car and head off to the radiation lab. I did have the perk of Valet Parking my vehicle--but believe me it's worth it to park your own car and say you are a visitor and not a patient! The gals at the front desk soon called me by name and smiled as I checked in--commenting on a cute necklace or cute new shirt. Funny that I would dress up for my appointments instead of wearing sweats...but somehow it made me feel more human to dress up and head to my toture session pretending like I was headed off to lunch with my friends, or to a daily job at the office.

My awesome team of techs were always ready to "invite" me back to the room--and always willing to answer my endless stream of questions. I must even admit that I would think of things to talk about with my "team" because finding out about their lives seemed like much more fun than the reality that I was just one of hundreds of people they treat on a yearly basis. I found out that one of the techs is my neighbor. I drive past his street multiple times a day and wonder if I'll ever bump into him at the grocery store. We shared stories about our kids, vacations, life, and daily adventures. I started to think of them as friends rather than just people doing their jobs, but I'm still grounded enough to know that I'm just a blip in the stream of people that they see--the mental image of them as friends was helpful for my mental stability--but not necessary for theirs.

And that brings me back to the disco bra--which you've all been dying to hear about--After week one of radiation and a quick skin check by the radiologist it was determined that the rays just weren't quite intense enough and they needed to bump the burn up a notch or two--hence the disco bra--or more realistically I should call it my chain mail bra, but disco bra sounds more exciting so I'm sticking with it. Lindsay came in with a smile and a shiny square of gold metal chain mail (seriously like the stuff a knight would wear) and after carefully covering me with saran wrap she would arrange the "disco bra" so that the radiation would be more intense. Lights turned down low and music turned on (not usually of the disco variety)--and off the techs would go to watch me on the computer monitor and leave me and the radiation rays to disco away--16 whole seconds of radiation 8 from one angle and 8 from the other--and the techs would come back in and help me sit up and send me off to do the daily disco of taking care of the family and the house--even that seems more exciting if you know you've started the day with a disco bra!